if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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