why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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