Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
