Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
