dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
