her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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