I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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