WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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