In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
