I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
