Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
