How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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