I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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