Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
