The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
