also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
