Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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