I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
