you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
did i walk over a car last night?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
