I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Naked Twister starts at high noon
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
