Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
