She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
