Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
