He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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