the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
