My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
