this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
