well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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