You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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