Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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