So drunk its hurt
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
