He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
