Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
