i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
