if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
