I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
