Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
