Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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