chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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