i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
