Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
