every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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