Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
