Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
