i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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