Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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