drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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