Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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