Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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