there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
