Michael Bay diarrhea
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
