dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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